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Year 10 Analytical Essay

Started by Zesty, Mar 22, 2016, 02:18 AM

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Zesty

In dance, we have been working on a dance piece that was performed on "So you think you can dance". The dance is called "Tears of an Angel" and is about bully victims. We have to write a 500-600 word essay within 3 days. The criteria is;
Paragraph 1-
Introduction, introduce the dance, the section, the performers or group, the choreographer, the composer and music, as well as any other relevant information. State what your essay will be about. Reflect on your topic, theme  or thesis. Provide an introductory evaluative statement. (80-100 words)

Paragraph 2-
Body, analyse the sue of non-movement components in this dance. Interpret how relationships have been shown through costume, lighting, sets, background, music and aural elements. Justify your interpretive ideas with examples from the dance. Evaluate the effectiveness of the use of these non-movement components to communicate the intent. (150-200 words)

Paragraph 3-
Body, analyse the use of movement components in this dance. Interpret how relationships have been shown through actions, spatial elements, dynamics and movement qualities, structuring components, expressive and performance skills. Focus on such things as partner work, levels and direction, accent and force. Justify your interpretative ideas with examples from the dance. Evaluate the effectiveness of the use of these movement components to communicate the intent. (150-200 words)

Paragraph 4-
Conclusion, provide an evaluative statement that sums up what you think about the dance. Provide some evidence about your judgement on the dance, based on what you have said in the essay. Sum up your important points from the body about movement and non-movement components. (80-100 words)

My draft;
The dance, "Tears of an Angel" was performed back in 2013, and is about a bully victim, who was helplessly assaulted, with people passing by not helping. This essay is about the struggle of the victims and how easy it is for them to lose all hope and give into the bullies. In the dance, you can see two groups of people; people dressed in black, the bullies, and people dressed in white, the victims, and you can see through-out the dance people casually walking by not caring or noticing what is happening around them. The music is slow, and sad to represent the distress the victims are going through.  The composer of the dance is a friend of the victim who had been moved in such a way she felt that creating this dance will show people what is happening in the world, and how it is such a horrible thing.
The non-movement components used in this contempary dance show a vast variety of things, from the colours of the clothing to determine and analyse who the bullies, and victims are. The bullies and people who choose to ignore the people being bullied, are wearing black to show more muscularity and strength. Lighting used in the dance, usually is only pointed in a big group, but lights up when the people split away. The background is a very dark place, showing how dark the world can be around you when no one chooses to help you, instead leaving you behind.
The movement components used in the dance "Tears of an Angel" are both, very soft but at the same time very masculine. The people in black are strong, surrounding the people in white so they can't escape, leaving them in the middle with very soft movements, with not enough room to do anything more.  As the people in white start to break away, the bullies move to them, surrounding them again, limiting their movements stopping them from getting away.  The people in white are constantly being pushed down using a variety of different leaves, and positions to show how powerful the bullies can be, and how they'll try anything to get above their victims, to overpower them, to make them feel worthless.
In summery the dancers did a very good job demonstrating how hard it is for victims to escape their bullies, and how unfair it was to them, having people walk by not caring, whilst they are being surrounded, helpless, unable to do anything for themselves. The dancers did excellent work showing how easy it is to be ignored, or even not noticed when you need to be noticed the most.


If you have any tips or ideas to help me improve please do help, every bit of help is needed. I need to hand this in tomorrow, and my final on the first day of school next term (4 days away with 2 weeks school holiday)
Greed may not be good, but it's not bad, either. You humans think it's for money and power. But everyone wants something they don't have.
Survival is the only way. Live on and learn more.
Even when our eyes are closes, there's a whole world out there that lives outside ourselves and our dreams.

arch8ic

The fact that you're limited to 600 words kinda sucks a lot. It's not a lot of room to work with at all.
If you could, try to elaborate on the analysis a tad more. I know it's something you've probably heard a lot, but analysis is always the most important part of an essay.
The second paragraph especially could use some beefing up; tie that darkness back to the thesis and say how the darkness emphasizes the bully victims' experience.
Overall, it's pretty good. Try to recap the essay in the conclusion though; even brief sentences that gloss over the main points can be extremely strong.
I hope I didn't sound too critical; after all, it is a nice essay! Just fine tune it and you'll be golden c:
SFT Lost Islands Engineer!

Zesty

Quote from: arch8ic on Mar 22, 2016, 02:45 AMThe fact that you're limited to 600 words kinda sucks a lot. It's not a lot of room to work with at all.
If you could, try to elaborate on the analysis a tad more. I know it's something you've probably heard a lot, but analysis is always the most important part of an essay.
The second paragraph especially could use some beefing up; tie that darkness back to the thesis and say how the darkness emphasizes the bully victims' experience.
Overall, it's pretty good. Try to recap the essay in the conclusion though; even brief sentences that gloss over the main points can be extremely strong.
I hope I didn't sound too critical; after all, it is a nice essay! Just fine tune it and you'll be golden c:
Okie, could you give some examples? Also the word limit is just on average, I can go above it if needed.
Greed may not be good, but it's not bad, either. You humans think it's for money and power. But everyone wants something they don't have.
Survival is the only way. Live on and learn more.
Even when our eyes are closes, there's a whole world out there that lives outside ourselves and our dreams.

arch8ic

Quote from: YugureHono on Mar 22, 2016, 02:18 AMThe non-movement components used in this contempary dance show a vast variety of things, from the colours of the clothing to determine and analyse who the bullies, and victims are. The bullies and people who choose to ignore the people being bullied, are wearing black to show more muscularity and strength. Lighting used in the dance, usually is only pointed in a big group, but lights up when the people split away. The background is a very dark place, showing how dark the world can be around you when no one chooses to help you, instead leaving you behind.
Since the thesis of this essay is how the dance truly shows how hard bullying can hurt someone, your analysis needs to tie back to that, moreso than just an allusion. For example, you could say "This darkness emphasizes the fact that bullied people truly feel isolated, no matter what their surroundings are."

As for the conclusion, you could also say something as simple as "Both the movement and non-movement components of this dance bring out aspects, such as darkness, to illustrate the idea that bullied victims feel alone and withdrawn, hurting them more than what one can outwardly see."
SFT Lost Islands Engineer!

Zesty

Thanks! I can hand this in as a draft and see what she says, I have dance next lesson and when I get my draft back, I'll post it here.
Greed may not be good, but it's not bad, either. You humans think it's for money and power. But everyone wants something they don't have.
Survival is the only way. Live on and learn more.
Even when our eyes are closes, there's a whole world out there that lives outside ourselves and our dreams.